No emo bullshit here. This is created for my rhetoric class, which is good because it gives me incentive to back my shit up after talking all kinds of trash about teenage asian girls' xangas. This will most likely not be any better. Probably worse.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

mean muggin.

this is definitely the gulliest NBA playoffs i have ever seen. the entire weekend has been amazing for basketball. the Mavs letting it almost slip away before waking up and regaining their dignity by keep the Grizzlies' playoff losing streak alive.

Dirk mean mugged his way out of embarrassment by taking a huge shit on the city of Memphis with his game-tying 3.

Giving Dirk a run for gulliest-white-boy is none other than the Beastmaster himself: Luke Walton. With the entire Lakers team stepping their game up, Luke Walton has exceeded all expectations. Especially with the last play, getting a jump ball against Nash, and tipping it directly to the real MVP for the game winning buzzer, Luke Walton tames the untamable. Stud.

Friday, April 28, 2006

hey ma.

Did anybody else know that Nelly Furtado is this hot? All I remember is that she had that annoying song about how she was like a pigeon or peacock or something. (no homo.)

I do know that Natasha Bedingfield song is pretty much perfect. (definitely better than the Taking Back Sunday album.) And apparently Ms. Bedingfield has been swagger jacking Nelly Furtado's steez as female pop songwriter extraordinaire.

I say they should just make out. A DVD of that bundled with each album will fly off the shelves. Even thieves teenagers will pay for that.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

hate it or love it.

Kobe decided to express his feelings regarding the recent MVP decision by face fucking the Great White Hope.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

bands today are worse off than they have ever been.

this makes me feel old as fuck all, but it has to be said: bands today suck. especially compared to bands of the past. even more so when put up against the golden era of music*.

case in point: Cartel - Wonderwall.mp3

I feel guilty to even put this up, as i would be plenty happy if it were not made at all. But I needed to make my point and this proves it better than any. This band is slightly above average in what they do: pop-punk. Given that extremely limited scope of power chords and syncopated strumming patterns, they do all right. Their songs are catchy enough and I did like Luckie St. and Honestly. Like every other band in their genre, all their songs sound around the same with some particularly bad.

They also have the creativty potential of an aborted fetus. So when that singer dude tries to change things up on the cover of The Greatest Song Of All Time, it sounds like absolute shit.

Example 1: when he decides to put his own 'creative' spin on the melody on 'about you' in the pre-chorus.

Example 2: the entire second verse and pre-chorus he butchers. i think they call this nonsense 'putting your own spin' on something. that is complete and utter bullshit. this emo, girl-pant-wearing son of a bitch totally ruined an otherwise perfect song.

If Noel weren't too busy cashing royalty checks, he'd smack the fag. Oh yea: his voice. That voice more than anything ruined the song. Weak and quivering, he sounds like a chick. Liam Gallagher sounded like a man, giving the song exactly what it needed to rise above the sap.

I hope Cartel's tour bus runs off a cliff for this blasphemy.

*mid to late 90's

To save yourselves, here's how it should be, from the geniuses themselves:

Sunday, April 23, 2006

i welcome you to get acquainted with the youngest in charge.

I will admit it. I slept on Lebron James. Don't really know how, I Just wasn't into sports as a whole at the time. Wasn't up on anything sports related in general, all my NBA knowledge ended with the Jordan era. So I slept on this man. Actually, a man is an understatement. Dude is pure unadulterated athletic machine. No ego either, just confidence. The best part about his post-season debut today wasn't even the ridiculous triple-double. The shots and scoring don't hurt, but they were expected. The most impressive part of his game is how dude can make all those around him better. He involves them, gives them second chances, doesn't kick them to the curb like he can. I'm sure everyone knows, but once again: he's only 21. Twenty one. Dude was just legally allowed to drink. He's got so much more time to grow, I can't even imagine how much better he can get. Sky's the limit.

Welcome to the King James era.

Bonus: The Office's Michael Scott delivers an anecdote on the importance of education.

P.S. - Everybody is generally allotted one genius idea a day, give or take a couple. I got one: pay-per-view One on One competitions between the top in the game of basketball. Imagine Kobe taking Lebron one on one, first to 50 pts. There could be a whole bracket set up to determine the single best player when all that pesky passing shit is taken out. It'd allow these athletic beasts to indulge in their own narcissism. And despite my current level of amazement for Lebron, Kobe would take all. Don't argue with me on that one, not that it's even up for debate.

Friday, April 21, 2006


-that Natasha Bedingfield song 'Unwritten' > the entire new Taking Back Sunday album.

-Kobe is MVP. Lakers over Suns in 6, my upset prediction for the playoffs.

-RIP DC++, now there's really no point to living on campus anymore.

-Camel Lights are not very good. Turkish Golds still the way to go.

-gambling for 9 hours till 7 in the morning is a good time.

-Vans Slip-ons are the best shoes in the world, especially the Marc Jacobs suede joints.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Taking Back Sunday - Louder Now album review

I was barely aware of this CD's existence as I am past that horrible stage. I mean, why listen to this shit and be a 'sucker for love', as Cam would call it, when you can listen to Dipset and treat 'a bitch like a bitch' (again, my hats go off to Killa). But I digress, apparently kids still appreciate this stuff, and I will admit their last two albums came at the right time where I could actually connect to it. Hell, I know two kids who drove 3-4 hours to go see these guys live. Anyways, I will be reviewing this live, typing as I listen to these songs for the first time or so.

What It Feels Like To Be A Ghost

Second song by this band with the word 'ghost' in it. Pretty good opening riff. Sounds like everything else they have ever written. TBS is especially talented in turning run of the mill phrases like 'are you up for this?' into emo quotables by repeating them over and over and over and over and over and over. Look out for that one to be on AIM profiles everywhere pretty soon. Solid opening track.

Liar (It Takes One To Know One)

'Addict for dramatic'. I couldn't word it better. This dude is really obssessed with 26 days. Probably waiting for his AIDS test results to come back or something. (no homo.) Kinda sounds like the last song. Weird noises during the bridge, maybe its supposed to symbolize something, just sounds stupid.


The new single. Since I'm in college and don't own a car nor a TV, I have no idea if this is doing well on radio. It again sounds like all their other songs. I don't know how they pick their singles. Probably just pick out of a hat or something. Decent enough, definitely not as good as the last lead off single nor Cut From The Team, but that's a classic.

Up Against (Blackout)

The song's in 6/8. I generally don't like 6/8 songs. The trend doesn't change much with this one. Filler, despite sounding again like the previous 3 songs.

My Blue Heaven

I'm sick of listening to this shit already. This one is again decent, starts off a little softer. The fat cholo that plays guitar uses 3 harmonic notes. How creative.

Twenty-Twenty Surgery

I could go for some General Tso's chicken right now. An eggroll too. (Magic Wok, what's really good?) And no, its not only cause I'm Chinese. Although that more than likely is part of the reason. I'm barely listening to this shit anymore.


I had a good discussion with Ricky, my giant ass friend at Mizzou, yesterday about how Japs are shit. People that want to argue about how the US was not justified in dropping the atom bomb on the Japs are most likely two things: 1) pussies and 2) jap/asian. I'd speak more on this but the song is over.

Divine Intervention

The acoustic song of the CD. They use bells on this. It's obviously a stretch for these guys to be this creative, so the melody is the exact same one they recycle on the other songs. You can't ask for too much.


Sad to say, this is not a cover of the Fresh Prince classic. That one is far superior. There is no need for this one to exist, I'm not sure why it does. Will Smith > Taking Back Sunday all day every day.

Error Operator

I didn't like this on the Fantastic Four soundtrack. I don't like it now. I hope I downloaded an unmixed copy or something, cause the drums sound like absolute shit on this. There's not even a real melody. At least the other ones were kind of catchy. I think this one is for the kids to run around in a circle and flail their arms around like Tom Delonge/retards.

I'll Let You Live

Finally it's over. The slower one, funny how that's the same place they stuck all the other slower ones on the other albums. This one really sucks. Shitty melody, shitty guitar riff. That fat cholo guy really can't play guitar. He had his shine on that Miami song.


I'm so happy this CD is over, I can't stand this shit anymore. Granted, TBS did create the formula, but it is done to death. The whole tag-team vocals, phrase repetition, over dramatic performance is boring as hell to me. I probably would have liked this a year and a half ago. If you must listen to shit like this, go download Tell All Your Friends.

P.S. - Speaking of Tell All Your Friends, there's still kids out there on Purevolume that cover Cut From The Team acoustically, singing in whispered voices. You uncreative tools, the original fucking band already did that.

note - i realize i used the word 'shit' quite a bit in this review, even more than usual. i have a looming suspicion it has something to do with the quality of material i was reviewing.

Monday, April 17, 2006

it's ladies' night, all the girls drink for free.

especially if they look like that.

Let's analyze exactly what this girl is wearing:

-Grandma sweater (cardigan for you hipsters)
-80's spandex leggings or some kind of aerobics nonsense
-Poor people shoes

Maybe chicks find this shit cute or whatnot. But the general rule is if a girl not at least an 8 out of 10, then there is no room for her to be getting creative with the wardrobe. Some of the crazy thoughts that go through some girls' minds include viewing clothes as an 'extension of my character and personality'. An 8+, however, can actually get away with trying to 'express her individuality' through her clothes. It completely flips when a girl is both hot and has a 'unique' sense of style. Wearing a lot of 'weird shit', as most guys call it, can actually bump an 8 into a 9. Rare situation, I know. It does happen though.

On the other end of the spectrum, there's fat chicks. I'll let Juelz handle that:

Juelz Santana - Drop A Couple Pounds.mp3

Juelz Santana - Fat Bitch.mp3

And to round things off, here's an acoustic version of a song so good, I had to swagger jack some lyrics for the post title. Beware, it is what some might deem 'sad bastard music'. I think it's what the kids are into nowadays anyways.

Brand New - Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis (107.7 End Session 11-17-03).mp3

Friday, April 14, 2006

bark twice if you're in milwaukee.

Tom Delonge: you are not Bono.

First and foremost, RIP Blink-182. I guess this is what we're left with now. Tom Delonge, you used to be awesome. Now you've become a big tool who takes himself too seriously. You do realize you are skipping around on a big grass field waving your arms in the air like Julie Andrews. And for christ's sake (it is easter), keep the guitar around your shoulders even when you don't play it in the verses. Flailing your arms with the grace of a paraplegic is not a good look.

I do like the song. It's a nice catchy pop/rock song, a nice continuation of pretty much everything Tom Delonge has ever wrote and keeping in the vein of the last Blink album. Reading an MTV article on their first performance, pretty much all the songs sound like 'catchy emo tunes with big choruses'. Which leads me to wonder exactly how he is going to 'change the face of music', or 'usher in a new era'.

All in all, he does seem sincere with what he's doing. But I don't know if that makes it worse. Sincere or not, a D-bag is a D-bag.

50 on my pinky ring just to make my fist glow

'What You Know' with a live band?! Damn, T.I. comes serious on this one. Rocking his best Baby Milo gear, and hiring Travis Barker to lace the beats no less.

Barker has definitely taken the throne of 'black people's favorite white boy' from previous title-holders such as Adam Levine, John Mayer, and the OG (of this generation anyways) himself, Justin Timberlake.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

snitches and talkers get stitches and walkers.

The good people of Washington D.C. gave VP Dick an opinion poll he can't spin at the Washington National's opening game. I don't know what gave them the balls though, cause dude will shoot you in the face (literally!) Or at least illegally invade your home and show you some shock and awe by jailing you without reason and hook your balls up to a car battery. Don't worry though, cause Jesus said its ok!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Limp Bizkit > Kanye West

Kanye West - Mission: Impossible III theme

Limp Bizkit - Mission: Impossible III theme (Instrumental)

I'm not sure what to make of this, except that it is most definitely not as good as the Limp Bizkit version (instrumental, mind you). Big K seems to be slippin lately. I do like how crazy ass Tom 'Level 9' Cruise reaches out to Kanye to give his movie a more 'gritty, urban feel'. The Limp Bizkit version just grooves better, with the live drums and whatnots. Don't get it twisted, I am definitely talking about the instrumental, because as we all know, once Fred Durst attacks the mic with his raw rhymes, it all goes to shit. I do like the vibrato on the Kanye version. Not sure about the synthesized/over-processed strings that he uses for the main melody. And that weird ass distorted saxophone (?) in the last bridge/outro is not nearly as gully as you would think. Granted, this is significantly better than his original song for the movie. I'm not sure how that musical abortion fits within the context of Mission Impossible. Plus, it sounds like absolute shit anyways.

All in all, Limp Bizkit sans Fred Durst > Kanye West.
As far as classic movie theme 're-imaginings' at least.

Oh, here's the abortion if you really want to hear it.

Kanye West - Impossible (ft. Twista and Keyshia Cole)

you sir, are a racist.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

americans are still the leading purveyors of bad taste

(via Vice)

jesus christ. the people that own these pieces of shit on 4 wheels are exactly the kind of D-bags I talked about the last post.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

being alone with yourself is increasingly unpopular.

I find this to be true: there seems to be a desparate need for a lot of people to be with others at all time. This happens regardless of whether said person actually likes the people he or she is with. Even if you're extremely good looking (like Ms. Johannssen above), you will most likely have to spend some time alone. This proves to be true whether you're around people or not. And I think there's probably not much worse than being alone in a crowd of people.

Being so uncomfortable with yourself can't be good. Surrounding yourself with a crew of D-bags (just $17.99!) shouldn't be a requirement. That is, unless you prefer that sort of folk. In which case, you are most likely a complete and total tool and I'd prefer if you got hit by a truck.