lesser of two evils.

Joe Rogan VS Carlos Mencia ONSTAGE VIDEO
Uploaded by CapnHulk

Joe Rogan, meathead extraordinaire, confronts Carlos Mencia, unfunny not-really-a-beaner, about stealing material. As much as I hate Joe Rogan for being the guy that bears the torch for meatheads everywhere, Carlos Mencia is clearly the worse human being here. He's not funny, he just yells all the time, and to top it off he steals all his jokes. And he's not even mexican. Yet he got famous telling beaner jokes.

Some people have no shame.

stop, glare and think.

Cam's recent scuffle with Cuuuuurtiiiis brings back some old times. I don't know if Killa is getting hungry again, or is he just self-delusional enough to believe the things that he says. But I applaud his total commitment to doing whatever the hell he wants.

This is as American as McDonald's and guns.

bandwagon's full.

Damn, Beyonce IS a good actress.

I took the liberty of 'sampling' the new Fall Out Boy album last night and it is much better than what I thought it was going to be. If for nothing, they are consistent. You get the same infectious choruses, the same nonsensical song titles, the same unintelligible singing, and the self-referential, borderline retarded lyrics. That list might read like a bunch of qualities you don't want in a band, but this time it's OK. It's called a 'niche'.

I, for one, can't fathom how I used to take the lyrics so close to heart. All the horribly conceived metaphors that honestly don't really make sense unless you're in high school. I put them up on in my AIM profile and had away message wars of sorts with girls that I were too scared to say directly. Does it get more pathetic than that? I doubt it. The irony now is that for how much those lyrics meant to me back then, half the time I had to look them up cause I couldn't understand what the fat singer was saying. Enunciation was not part of the production process. Again, it's their niche.

Despite all that, applause is due for this band because now that I have gained some perspective and distance to where I can just listen with no emotional attachment, they still write some damn good tunes. Those choruses just soar with no end in sight. The instrumentation is tight and well orchestrated and executed. Some new r&b arrangements even show up, probably thanks to Babyface. Bashing Fall Out Boy isn't even hip anymore, they found what they're good at and became the best at it. I'll take a Fall Out Boy single repeatedly bashed into my skull over a John Mellencamp Chevy ad about our country any day of the week.

hot and fresh out the kitchen.

Fat Joe - Make It Rain (remix ft. R Kelly, Lil' Wayne, T.I., Baby, Rick Ross).mp3

I struggle to put into words how ridiculous it is to hear this remix. It blows my mind in every way possible, both ironic and pure. Kels' verse is obviously the highlight of the whole song. It is so ridiculous that I seriously thought my head was going to explode. Who else could come up with such a retarded verse that so blatantly links to his infamous need to 'piss on you'? I can't figure out whether it's done in parody and humor or if he actually ignored the obvious connections. The passion and intensity he puts into making it 'rain on them hoooooooooes' points to the latter. Either way it's still good.

R Kelly overshadows the rest of the guys, even T.I., who comes with the same double time flow he surprised everyone with on 'I'm Talkin to You'. It's still impressive, maybe even more so because I kind of understand what he's saying this time around.

Anyways, I'm more amazed by this song every time I press replay (which is like the 47th time tonight already). It somehow managed to upstage the original while being a completely parody of itself. Color me impressed.

two on the vine.

a fitting tribute to the OG of America.

it's prime time, baby.

I feel like an old ass motherfucker talking about 'the old days'. But for christ's sake it's been 11 years. All I'm left with now is Deion slurring about gators and library cards to remind myself the 'boys used to be a powerhouse. Shit's embarrassing. I mean, I don't really expect the glory days all over again, but come on. It isn't even all Tony Homo's fault either. We wouldn't have to be in that situation if TG's dumb ass held on to the ball. I couldn't believe I was in a room with 10 other guys praying that we would be awarded a safety. A SAFETY! So many things went wrong and we were still in the lead only to fuck it up as only the Dallas Cowboys know how.

Best of 06

Best Single: What You Know by T.I.

Does anybody not like this song? The only possibly comparison would be the complete opposite of the Cowboys performance on Christmas.

Best Movie: Jackass Number 2

This is all I could come up with.

Best Lyric: '...and possibly bend you over' from Smack That

Akon is awesome. The earnestness in his voice as he sings about wanting to fuck a stripper is a feat not easily matched. Auto-tune+African accent+degrading come ons as legitimate pick up lines=ZOMGAWSUM!!!

Best Sports Moment: VY nutting all over the Trojans

Fact: 5 USC Songbirds were impregnated during the last heroic run by VY.

Best Discovery By Me: 24 = g00t

Who knew Kiefer Sutherland having The Worst Day Evar could result in such extreme gulliness? The show is also fantastic at showing the true sides of women in all their forms through the diverse female characters.

HELLS YEAH.

Remember the ultimate in gangsta apparel back in the golden days of elementary school? The Starter Jacket was part of every kid's wardrobe, the cool ones at least. Back when kids wore their sports team on their back at all times, with no worries of what was 'fashionable'. I'm as guilty of this as anybody else, I know about clothes probably more than any random faggot off the street.

But the truth is, I think the Starter Jacket might be as valuable to the Cowboys success as anything else. Cause the last time I remember the America's Team held their rings in the sky, Starter Jackets were still popular. And then they got brushed to the side as they were deemed 'uncool' anymore. Look where that got us.

Coincidence? I think not.

bitch, i'm trill.

Of course everybody and their mother has seen this ad. But I think this piece of television genius makes me want to study advertising more than anything else. It single-handedly made me enjoy that e-40 song, which I had previously brushed off cause it was 'hyphy'.

if there ever was a reason to believe in god...

Man, I really wish I didn't have to be cracked out on Adderall studying for tests, because I totally missed what was possibly the best television program of the year. There is some consolation for those who missed this hot-ness extravaganza like me, the Victoria's Secret website has an ultra HQ version up on their site. It's edited, but just play it on repeat. Over and over and over and over and over and over.
(http://www2.victoriassecret.com/fashionshow/index.cfm)

I know it's obvious and all, but these girls make every other human being look like pieces of shit. (This is excusing the bald-headed African of course.) I don't know why female celebrities would want to go to these shows because they can't help but make themselves look horrible.

Want to make your head explode? Try ranking them. Besides Adriana at numero uno of course. That's a given.




And speaking of god: apparently Jesus never committed a sin. It might not have been that hard in those days. For one, they didn't have women hot enough to make you want to kill yourself. And two, they were all made to wear shitty rags and cover themselves up and all that retarded ideology. Like Jesus could have really resisted himself from unleashing his divine power all up in Gisele's holy trinity.



the Queen.

wooohoooo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know I'm late, but that KT Tunstall has some pretty good songs. Must be to get FOUR (count 'em) features on Grey's Anatomy. Anyways, I figure that must be the only way for artists nowadays to sell records. I mean, look at all those crazy ass shenanigans Jay-Z pulled and he only sold like 650k out the gate. And he's expected to drop significantly the second week, so he'll probably top out at around 1.5m.

KT Tunstall here on ther other hand has sold about a million of her debut. And I had barely heard of her. Little do I know, pretty much the only audience worth pandering to is the Grey's Anatomy one. Maybe the Jiggaman should start looking in that direction. Oh wait...

the undisputed.

See for yourself (Google search for Worst Band In The World)

I do feel that Nickelback and Limp Bizkit could definitely give them a run for their money. Remember when Scott Stapp challenged Fred Durst to a boxing match?

If there's lyrics written worse than that emo bullshit where it goes 'i really really really dont like you', I'd love to know. That chorus completely sums up the genre and makes an extremely convincing argument that emo music is ruining the next generation of suburban kids for life.

konichiwa, bitches.

What a stud. The pump fake gets them again.

Without a doubt, VY is most definitely

-VY's beastly performance also leads to one thing...

COWBOYS NUMERO UNO, BITCHES. YESSIR.

-I don't understand the big deal about Mike Vick flipping off Falcons fans. It's not his fault when the entire Falcons recieving corps dug deep within themselves to come up with TWO total catches and a big 52 yards. They dropped more than double the passes they caught for gain. And then old white guys bitch about Vick running and not throwing it well enough. People can boo him when he actually fucks up. And there's plenty of opportunities for that.

gem stones, flint stone, you could say i'm friends with fred.

Only Cam'ron is narcissistic enough to convince himself that he'd look good in a pink Russian fur hat.

Plus, the best music video interlude EVAR?! at 1:52

-also, how 'bout them Cowboys? t-Ro is gunslinger extraordinaire. now if only TO can hold onto the damn ball...

Kramer goes on a tirade against niggers.

Crack is a hell of a drug.

the truth.

tony romo is the future. 82% completion, what?

it is what it is.

gulliest headgear ever?

ching chang chong.

I recently read up on how Ivy League schools are now trying to cockblock chinaman from their schools by using higher admissions standards. Kinda like what they do to white folks, except even worse. And now, even crackers get a break from the onslaught of the slant-eyes.

Cracka-ass crackers everywhere have bitched and moaned about having less qualified african-americans (or in some circles, niggers) take their spots, jobs and all else due to affirmative action. I, for one, have always felt that whites should shut the fuck up. Being white is still the number one advantage you have in this country, and most parts of the world.

So for white folks to even think about complaining is ridiculous because if it's really so bad, wanna trade?

Didn't think so.

It seems that chinaman are getting shafted here. They don't get the easy slide of affirmative action like jigs do. They also don't get the power that derives from an inherently racist system and society like crackers do. So it's pretty much a lose-lose for the chanks.

Man, those white folks are some devious motherfuckers. But come on, who really thought those crusty crackers at the top of the ladder were going to let any other shades in the loop? Even if they did get there based on merit and by the rules, the rules will change. Those guys definitely do not want their pool muddied. Why do you think out of all the chinaman that work as engineers at TI making calculators and such, every single person on the board of directors is white than snow*?

That being said, it's still better than being a beaner. Boy, do they have it rough.

Check it: Is Admissions Higher for Asians at Elite Schools? (link to transcript of Wall Street Journal article, cause those jews make you pay)

also: New Challenge to Affirmative Action (Inside Higher Ed)

*there is one jig lady on there, but I think it's to look good. White people already feel really good about themselves whenever they can name off more than one of the colored as their friend, so this pretty much makes up for slavery.

insights.

Responsible for the best marketing move in music this year.

One of my favorite things to laugh at is adult contemporary music. You know what I'm talking about, the songs that play on the 'Mix' stations. Those stations kick ass, they'll play some gangsta ass shit like Hey Jealousy right after they play Semi-Charmed Life.

Seriously, that is a killer back to back combo. It's like the 90s never left.

Anyways, since these stations only add like 2 songs a year to their repertoire and pretty much never take a song off, it's the ultimate place a musician would want their song to go since the royalties are basically endless. Well, kind of. If money > artistic merit, then yeah. But seriously, whoever says no amount of money can buy their dignity hasn't been offered enough.

Artists who have been anointed into such a tightly controlled circle include musical masters such as the aforementioned Gin Blossoms and Third Eye Blind, as well as Maroon 5, Matchbox 20 and Rob Thomas, Natasha Bedingfield, Wham!, that guy who sings the 'Bad Day' song. Top notch group, I know.

The most recent addition is The Fray. When I first heard that song about overtime and some chick is in his head, I chuckled to myself in the car. Not because I'm too cool, but because I do have an affinity for future adult contemporary hits and this one was destined for soccer moms everywhere to sing along 6 months after the video was retired from TRL. As much as I laugh and make fun of music like this, I do have a good amount of respect for people that can bang out a couple of tunes that can get stuck in millions of people's heads and get paid for it. A good melody is a good melody, no matter how cliche and coated in reverb it is. After all, my favorite band is Oasis.

Which brings me to 'How To Save A Life', the second single from The Fray. This song sounds pretty much like the first single. I thought it was the same song until I waited for the overly drastic enunciation of the '8 sehkuuuuunds in ooooooooverteeeeiiiime' part and it never came. I brushed it off to the side and didn't pay much attetion to it until I caught the video on ABC. I was like huh? And then it became clear: it's a Grey's Anatomy tie in! Now it makes sense. Jesus Christ that was a smart move. I mean, get it? Sometimes girls will like totally want to bang a married man. You know, cause they're sluts. And they'll hype it all up and be like 'he's not happy in his relationship, I'll bring him out of it.' I'm going to save his life! So that fits in with the show's premise. But it doesn't stop there. They're also doctors! How fitting! Like OMG, it's like a double entendre or something.

I mean, what other way is this band truly going to get some money off a record about a crack addiction with the music industry in the shithole and a ginger for a lead singer? The only way possible is to play it up so that girls across the nation will think it's about them, via the tried and true medium of a shitty, sappy TV drama about self-important asshole doctors. I commend The Fray wholeheartedly for working that shit to its max potential. Street cred don't pay the bills. Plus in all honesty, it's a very well developed pop song and they seem to be able to play live very well, which is more than I can say for most mainstream music.

Read: 'Adult Contemporary Radio, Where Pop Hits Live Strong' (MTVnews)

But for real, I hate Grey's Anatomy.

half/half.

Talk about a pedigree: Daughter of Quincy Jones. Harvard graduate. Actress on the best show on network TV. And she's like really pretty.



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